


A Marriage Born Out of Convenience

by poppy_plant



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marriage, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25139341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppy_plant/pseuds/poppy_plant
Summary: When the US government remembers that Nandor is not a US citizen, Guillermo has to step in to help him out. After all, he promised he would do anything he could to protect and serve his master.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless, Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja
Comments: 14
Kudos: 66





	A Marriage Born Out of Convenience

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the discord server for giving me the inspiration for this fic. I hope you all enjoy it!

It all began with a letter. Guillermo had brought in the mail to everyone seated in the fancy room, as he did every night. After tossing aside the bills and ads, there were rarely other letters for anyone, much to their disappointment. Guillermo could only shake his head whenever the household got worked up over a simple letter, especially considering that letters were usually followed by chaos. That night was no exception. The household had gathered together to hear the news that the government had sent a letter inquiring as to the legitimacy of Nandor’s legal status in the US.

It had taken Guillermo several minutes to explain the concept of what was happening to the vampires, especially Nandor. Guillermo had to remind himself that when they had arrived in the country, there had been no way of keeping tabs on citizens and their legality within the county to keep himself from losing his temper as he walked Nandor through what was going on for the dozenth time. If he wasn’t mistaken, there wasn’t even a US government when they arrived here. 

“But why are they bothering me now? This is my only home!” Nandor was draped over the couch, looking to Guillermo for answers he couldn’t hope to have. Guillermo had never seen his master look so lost in all the years he had lived in the house. 

“It might be because we never did get you your citizenship. Maybe they finally got around to checking out what is going on.” Guillermo offered. Was it his fault all of this was happening? He had been the one to help Nandor in his latest attempt at gaining American citizenship. If Guillermo had discouraged his master, he would have heard plenty about it, but at least then they wouldn’t be in this position. 

Nadja stood from her place seated next to her husband “What does Nandor need to do?” She grabbed Guillermo tightly by the shoulders and pulled him to face her, “We will do anything to make sure our Nandor isn’t taken away from us.”

“I don’t know, Nadja” Guillermo pushed her off as her nails dug in deep “Let go, you’re hurting me.” 

“I don’t even know what to do.” Nandor softly muttered, looking down at his lap, “I can’t control the minds of the government workers and make them give me my citizenship.”

Up until this point, Colin Robinson had been more focused on his phone than the situation at hand. Guillermo would have been more frustrated if he wasn’t grateful that Colin was focused on draining incels on the internet instead of feeding off his master’s despair. “There are approximately 350,000 green cards given out to spouses in the US every year.” Colin offered up, not bothering to look up from his phone. 

“Why would you bring that up, Colin Robinson?” Guillermo was quickly losing his patience. “That doesn’t help anyone. Nadja and Laszlo are married to each other. Besides, they aren’t US citizens- are you guys citizens?”

The couple just shrugged.

“I think you know who I’m talking about,” With that, Colin walked out still typing frantically. 

The three looked to Guillermo for clarification, but he was too lost in thought to notice their imploring stares. 

“Guillermo,” His knees felt weak looking at how lost and confused his master was, still having faith that his familiar would come and save the day. “What can I do?”

“Well,” Guillermo said. “There is one way.” Why is this the only thing coming to mind? Stupid Colin fucking Robinson Guillermo wondered. “You could get your citizenship if you marry an American.” 

Laszlo scoffed. “Are you implying what I think you are, Gizmo?” Laszlo seemed disgusted by the implications. Nandor still just looked lost.

“Do you have a better idea?” said Guillermo “I don’t know any other way.” 

“Find another way!” Laszlo brushed him off. Guillermo looked desperately to his master for support, but Nandor wouldn’t meet his eyes. 

“I know it’s not convenient, but I really think this could work, master. We don't have to do it if you don't want to, of course,” Guillermo could feel himself rambling. Maybe more rambling could solve that. “It wouldn't be real.” he explained, “It would just be on paper and it wouldn't change anything at all.” Nadja and Laszlo looked unimpressed.

Nandor rose, grabbing Guillermo by the shoulder and forcefully moving him out of the room. He led them into Guillermo’s little room where he yanked the curtain closed leaving them with some privacy. 

“Guillermo, please,” Nandor whispered. “Is there anything you can do to help me?”

Guillermo let out a shaky breath. He still doesn't get it. Here goes nothing. “I could marry you.” 

“Okay.” Nandor gave a curt nod. There was a confidence in his voice that didn’t quite meet his eyes. 

“Oh- okay.” Guillermo stuttered. 

The two stood in tense silence for a moment. Giving a curt goodbye, Nandor stepped out leaving Guillermo to his thoughts. 

Guillermo collapsed onto the bed as waves of emotion crashed over him. He wasn’t sure as to whether or not he should be jumping in the air in triumph or curling into a ball and crying himself to sleep. Instead, he sat staring at the wall with a vacant expression as his mind ran wild.

He was going to be marrying Nandor. Sure, he had loved his master for the past decade despite Nandor’s continued apathy towards his familiar. Admittedly, this was not the way Guillermo had always imagined their relationship starting. He had fantasized for years about Nandor waking up one night and confessing his love for Guillermo before passionately kissing him. He had written in his head lengthy monologues confessing the adoration and affection that Nandor had been hiding from his beloved familiar as his way of protecting him from the world. It wasn’t perfect, but nothing between the two ever was.

Still, this wasn’t real. He had to remind himself of that. Nandor didn’t love him. Nandor didn’t want to spend an eternity with him as his immortal lover. The vampire was using him, as he always did, for his own selfish reasons. Their relationship would only be real in a legal sense. 

Maybe Nandor would come to love Guillermo. It was a far stretch, but Guillermo hoped against all odds that Nandor would one day wake up and see how devoted Guillermo was to his master. Perhaps once they were married, Guillermo could still get closer to Nandor on a deeper level. 

After nearly an hour of silent deliberation in his room, Guillermo heard the call of his master-no fiance- from somewhere in the house. It was time for a house meeting. Willing himself up, Guillermo went in search of the vampire.

He found him, along with all of the other members of the house, in the fancy room. Nadja and Laszlo were seated side-by-side on the couch while Colin was standing in the corner, drawn to the tension rolling off of all of them. Guillermo knew exactly why Nandor had felt the need to bring them all together, but he really saw no need, seeing as they had been around for the first part of their conversation. Laszlo had seemed perfectly aware of what they had been planning, and if Nadja hadn’t fully understood, her husband had surely told him. 

Nandor cleared his throat. “I have gathered you all here-”

“You didn’t gather us here!” Nadja corrected. “We were already in here, you goat.”

Nandor chose to ignore her. “We are here to discuss some wonderful news. Guillermo and I are going to be married.”

The vampires immediately went into a frenzy.

“Now chap, is this really necessary?” Laszlo 

“This is entirely ridiculous!” Nadja threw her arms up “You will not be married to a little human man!”

“Do you have any idea what the vampire council will do to you when they find out?” Laszlo added.

“Taking your familiar for a lover? I mean seriously Nandor?” Nadja shouted, waving an accusing finger in Guillermo’s direction.

“Nandor-”

Finally, Nandor managed to get the two under control. “Guillermo is no longer my familiar. He is my soon-to-be-husband. You two can no longer order him around or tell him what to do.” Nandor announced.

The couple whined. How were they supposed to get anything done now?

To calm them, Guillermo offered up a solution. “I can continue to do some of the work around the house until one of you can find a familiar to take over for me.” 

“No, Guillermo.” Nandor pulled him closer and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. “No husband of mine will have to work.” 

Guillermo could feel his face heating up. He couldn’t remember a time when his master had held him so close of his own volition. 

As Nandor began laying down the new guidelines for the house. Guillerm then noticed the intense blue glow from Colin Robinson. He was shaking in the corner, overwhelmed by the tension and heightened emotions of everyone in the room.

He began to call him out, but he was quickly shushed by his master - no, his fiancé - as Nandor launched ahead into preparing for what was to come.

\---

Colin was seated alone in his room, facing the camera, fluorescent lights casting a sickly glow over the room.

“Those two have been in love with each other for ages. It's been a real feast. The feeling of unrequited love is one of the sweetest types of energies for an energy vampire to consume.” explained Colin Robinson. “Unfortunately, those two have turned more bitter lately. I've lost my appetite for it.” he shrugged. 

He paused for a moment, leaning in close as if there was someone speaking behind the camera

“No, no I didn't report Nandor.” he chuckled. “I just saw an opportunity and thought it seemed like a good bet for a change-a-roo” 

The faint banging and muffled shouts typical of a household fight could be heard from above, drawing Colin Robinson’s gaze. A smile came over his face and his eyes lit up blue.


End file.
